If you ask any mother she will deny loneliness, she will rise to the question or statement with a chipper “I don’t have time to get lonely”. We are liars.. We wish anyone.. especially our children would know we were lying and ask us about US..
As new mothers are hearts are content, from the time they are born we are in a constant state of rush, rush, get it together, everything for you mode. But as the years pass we are left more and more with ourselves, this rings especially true for the stay at home mother. Up until this point her whole life has been dedicated to doing errands for the kids and husband, going to games, going to school functions, entertaining friends of the kids with cooking and fun wholesome activities. A regular “kool Aid Mom”, so she pushes that loneliness somewhere deep until they get much older and are doing more things without her. This is any mother of course, we are not discriminated against in this area, all of us from working moms, stay at home moms, sanctimoms, not so perfect moms, older moms… we will all feel this pain.
Some call when a child leaves home “the empty nest syndrom” but I know it starts happening long before that time. I think this happens around the time our children are “tweens” it is the time when we force ourselves as mothers to start letting go because we are aware this is the beginning of the “end game”. So we are left with trying to find new ways to fill our time. We may take yoga, crafts, start walking, or numerous other things to fill our time. Now we will use this as a front and say we are doing this for us, we want to expand and grow as people.. yeah right.. not! we are simply using these things as distractions to avoid the loss we are feeling. Now I am not saying you wont enjoy it or you really won’t learn any new things simply that it starts as a distraction. You tell your friends or others you are setting new goals for yourself.
You are but not because you are motivated its because you are faced with a new kind of evil… getting to know you.. yes you not the mother you but the you that has aged, the one you forgot, you know that girl? Probably not but now is when you start to know her again and this is a lonely place , for one you don’t even remember what you used to enjoy in solitude because it has been so long. So now you will start and like I said before its lonely here. Don’t look around for comfort from other mothers going through this because they are as lost as you.
So when we try to talk to our kids about it usually they smirk and say Really mom? No people don’t still do that. Or No please you can’t do that it will embarrass me.. The list goes on. Other mothers are to consumed with finding their selves no help there, Husband is trying to figure out how to get a sports car and to cover his bald spot. Where can you find the help you need? If your lucky your mom is still living, Call her… Yes she will know at least she will listen. And if all else fails enjoy the ride and get to know you and expand yourself, and help your children soar into growing up.