No woman thinks that one day she will be falling into the arms of a man who will hit her but that is exactly where Stacy found herself at a very young age Here is her story: (based on real events, names and places have been changed to protect identities:
statistics show that :
- Every 9 seconds in the US, a woman is assaulted or beaten.12
- On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.1
- 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.1
- 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.1
- 1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetime to the point in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed.1
- On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide.9
- The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%.10
- Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime.2
- Women between the ages of 18-24 are most commonly abused by an intimate partner.2
- 19% of domestic violence involves a weapon.2
- Domestic victimization is correlated with a higher rate of depression and suicidal behavior.2
- Only 34% of people who are injured by intimate partners receive medical care for their injuries.2
“So if you would have said to me this is going to be you, I would never have believed it, after all I was a young feminist, strong-willed, and educated on domestic violence. But that didn’t stop it from reaching me. I was 19 when I met him 20 when we married. It started as an argument in the kitchen one night after only 2 weeks of marriage, He slapped me across the face so hard my face was numb and bruised. I was very isolated we lived miles and miles off any main road. The only neighbor within 2 miles was his mother and father who lived next door. He was an only child. Our phone was connected to their house, if our phone rang so did theirs the possibility of contacting anyone was out of my reach. Beatings were severe, guns, knives, hand cuffed to the bed afterwards and left for hours sometimes days. I was so young.. I had no contact with my family, I didn’t have any way to prevent pregnancy and I think on some sick level, I thought he would not hit me if I had his child. So we ended up having two children together, after more years of abuse and many domestic violence orders I made a plan to leave. I was so scared for the kids and myself the first time I tried to leave he busted the car window out in our faces as I tried to drive away my best friend picked glass out of our bodies for hours. The courts were not help, made me feel like the perp. I couldn’t take it any longer. My youngest was only 10 months old and I finally found a way out, or did I some how he found out that I was leaving and he came home from work , my best friend was helping me pack. He pulled a rifle out and I told her to take the kids and run. But he grabbed the baby I fought and pulled her from his arms, I was running and he was shooting, I was screaming my best friend and other daughter was inside the neighbor’s home they let me in also and he was trying to shoot in the house. He ran when the cops came. They didn’t try hard to find him either. The kids and I hid in a remote location for over 1 month.. little did I know I was pregnant. I know this sounds so selfish, but I knew if I continued pregnancy I would never be free , any way this was the thoughts of a domestic violence victim and a 25 yr old woman… I sought an abortion. I arrived at the clinic they gave me a 30 min. counseling secession and a Valium 5mg. I was so groggy and could barely stand up, they took me in a room with lots of other girls, lots of other exam tables.. they laid me on one of them and above me on the ceiling was a picture of nature a very calming picture although I as cold in that gown my eyes were heavy from medication… but wait.. what is that sound? It sounds like a dental drill, lots of them.. I could barely raise my head and I looked around and saw many girls when I say many I mean as many as 10 including myself all doing the same thing… It was a nightmare? no this is happening do something… I tried to move I was so medicated , the doctor was opening my legs and I was trying ,… I was trying to say no.. he says in accent.. it is too late we will continue.. I just felt the hot tears streaming down my face as I looked at the ceiling of the picture of nature and the pain.. it was unbearable but the worst was the sound… the suction the drills… or what ever it was .. at that moment.. I knew I would never be the same.. did I lose my soul? I sure felt like it.. They put us all in another room stretched in some chair with a warming blanket and I cried and cried listening to the chatter around me, as some cried, some told of other abortions they had, others just sat there.. me I simply cried and cried thinking “What have I done?” That was 15 years ago, I now have 2 other children with a grand total of 4. That experience made me hold my kids a little tighter, love them more, be a better mother. But not one day goes by that I don’t think of my child.. The child of mine that was never born. There is no changing it, but if If faced with the same choice again, I wouldn’t have done it over, I grieve almost daily, I have days around the time it happen I just can’t get out of bed, and they say forgive yourself, but I am not sure I ever can.. I post this with the knowledge that I could be judged.That is the least worst thing that could have come from this situation. There are always other ways, ways out, other resources to continue a pregnancy so contact those resources before making a decision about ending a pregnancy or leaving a domestic violence situation. You will need lots of support to stay safe and make decisions that are not based on fear. ”
Final thoughts from Simply Mommy:
Stacy’s story and outcome is not every women’s. It can be much more severe. I also want to touch base on another important subject while into this article. Abortion happens, it doesn’t matter if you support it or not it is as old as giving birth itself, you may not agree but a woman’s body is her own, she has rights that shouldn’t be taken away by anyone especially governmental bodies and radical anti- abortionists. I would hate to imagine what you would do if you found yourself in a place where you weren’t able to raise a child you conceived or even make it through the pregnancy. A few other things I want to cover is the lack of support and resource for a person seeking and recovering from abortion. We need more abortion doula’s and abortion council on a volunteer rate. No one could understand what is happening and how helpless these women feel. I urge anyone with experience with counseling or abortion doula to contact clinic’s to volunteer. Below are some links for information on abortion doula and abortion post and pre..
What is an abortion doula?
1-800-672-2296 Free & Confidential
Studies show that women being abuse by intimate partners are seven times more likely to seek an abortion.
Seven percent of the women surveyed by Guttmacher after seeking an abortion reported that they had been physically or sexually abused by the man with whom they became pregnant.
Additional Sources for statistics on abortion linked with domestic violence and other victim status with intimate partners:
a new study from the Guttmacher Institute finds that pregnant women who seek abortions are actually more likely to have experienced a traumatic event like sexual abuse. In fact, the findings suggest the number of women seeking to terminate a pregnancy who have experienced intimate partner violence — defined as sexual or physical abuse at the hands of a significant other — is seven times higher than the national average for domestic violence