Matt and I have a couple that we considered to be good friends. Now we can’t stand to be around them because of all the bad vibes, we know they are always fighting because she tells me and he tells matt. This got me to thinking that …..
All to often in relationships it can be doomed from the beginning if your relationship started out on a not so clear level. Let me explain that expression. I feel as though sometimes in a new relationship we are afraid to express our very core values and principles. Out of fear of rejection we sometimes are not clear in the things we want and don’t want out of a love partnership, what we can accept and what we can not, and when we feel we can compromise and when we feel we can’t. I find it hard myself to sometimes just come out with it.. tell someone how I really feel about something out of the fear of sounding selfish, on my moral high horse, irrational, and simply uncompromising. But I have found through the years much to my surprise and every other human I know.. People can’t read minds.. that is reserved for the few. It is true. If we don’t like something or we want something it profits no one to talk in circles, or around an issue, or simply stay silent. I am not saying if it something small we need to make a big ruckus about something but simply outlining what we expect out of a relationship from the very beginning there would not be all this chaos.
It is important early in a relationship to settle the bigger issues before facing them later in the relationship. Everyone has core principles , values, morals, and things that drive them crazy that had they have known would never agree to compromise. There are key differences that maybe you should get pre marital or counseling before you get married or move in with each other to either settle or just not go through with it. Some major differences such as Religion, moral values, cultural differences and other differences that could potentially poison a relationship to the point of destruction.
I know with certainty what I can accept and what I cannot. It is not saying I am not willing to compromise I am simply saying on the bigger issues, there are certain things I will not compromise for all the love in the world because it would hurt me, make me feel horrible and I could not be happy like that and could not be the best version of myself in conditions like that. I also believe with 100% certainty that if someone truly loved me they would never ask me to compromise my morals, beliefs and values. To love someone is to respect them. If you cannot respect those three things there is not much to stand on in a relationship. So talking early in the relationship, even if it is out of our comfort level you need to do this as early as possible. You don’t want to get married and start living with someone who you wake up one day too and realize that they are an immoral beast.
So if you are thinking of doing something permanent and yes marriage is supposed to be a forever thing, that you should never count on divorce, why would you? Just talk. Get counseling before having to split up items, lives, maybe children from their parents. Come on people we are adults lets act like it. Say what you mean. He can’t read minds… she can’t read minds… so speak up.