A kiss that still burns on your lips, a subconscious imprint, of the embraces that you shared, a look you knew, the 3 words spoken you believed, the way this love made you feel like you were the only woman/man in the world. Now.. that is all it is, just an imprint on your mind and heart.
The longing looks have stopped, the embrace is cold and holds nothing but a lie, the kiss feels as rehearsed as your favorite play, the words are not spoken with an “I” any longer it is muttered as “Love you too”, this love hardly makes you feel like anything of worth now,now you are just chasing ghosts.
By the time this point comes along in your relationship it matters not whether there is a real or imagined betrayal, your heart has already been betrayed. You can tell that nothing is genuine any longer does it matter if his body is no longer yours? No that is the least of your problem, you have lost his heart. Did you cause this? Did he cause this? Did someone else cause this? The many why’s, what if’s, who’s, how long’s? while this is frustrating and you want to find these things out but there is a bigger issue at hand, can you fix this? Do you want to? Is it realistic to believe if someone has fallen out of love with you that they will somehow magically fall back in love with you.
So you ask this ” is useless for me to try?” Well I wouldn’t say useless but realistically speaking, I hate to be negative Nancy, but if they have already made their mind up about you what can you do in such a short time to change it? I hate to bring more bad news but you can’t. You cannot control the emotions or actions of any person. and if your influence of love that you held with them is gone, they really don’t want to even deal with you let alone love you, or try to work on the relationship, I am not saying don’t try. I mean if you were critically ill would you just quit fighting? Even if the doctor said there was no chance? Do you hold enough faith to hold on and wait for a miracle?
That leads me to the next subject the signs, are they truly signs or does these feelings real or imagined a reflection of your insecurities? Is your mind roaming in places it should not? Are you somehow thinking about someone else, comparing your lover to another, or coveting a different kind of love? Or is it really that he/she is really showing signs that he/she is betraying you or may betray you?
Before we go into the signs lets go into the types of infidelity. Even if there is no sex involved infidelity of any kind can be very painful and very damaging to a relationship. There are many types of infidelity and he/she or you may not know you are involved in a situation that is considered adultery, it sometimes happens very innocently and it can become toxic to your relationship very quickly.
The social Media- affair. There is probably no physical contact, there may even not be any talk of sex, but there is a bond you have built with the person and you are discussing and sharing things that are meant for your partner. You maybe sharing difficulties that you are having in your relationship, you maybe seeking comfort , advice, and validation from someone other than your partner. You maybe sharing intimate details about what you want, or what you need from a partner. You may work your schedule around so you will have time to spend with this online companion, or the companion is taking presidence over your partner.This is a form of infidelity.
The workplace-affair again here it started off very innocently usually. They were helpful, you were having a bad day and they stepped in to comfort or help you. You began talking a little then it turned into a lot. You found yourself trying to bump into them now you have exchanged numbers and are now talking outside of work. You are seeking comfort, advice and validation from this person and not your partner.
A secret bank account,
Sometimes these types of affairs evolve into physical and sexual affairs.
Here are some other helpful links in deciding if you are in an affair or maybe your partner and how to end it.
Now lets dive into the list that the experts agree are signs of cheating:
1)They are protective over their smart phone, maybe they never leave it out in the open, maybe they leave it on silent, you wake up and catch them on it and they quickly put it away, they are in texting or facebook conversations and never share what they are about, late night texts, they get them even while you are both in bed sleeping, when you bring up his/her possessiveness about the device they are quick to get defensive, maybe even angry.
2) Suddenly taking a new and more concentrated interest in their appearance. They are changing their hair, buying sexy underwear, changing their cologne/perfume, buying new clothes, shaving when they usually wore facial hair, but as they do these things they slowly distance themselves from you.
3) They avoid you, they begin to work longer hours, overtime when they had not before, they are holding unusual hours, they suddenly have a friend you have never heard of that needs their help, they may fight with you and say they are suffocating and they don’t have a life of their own. You find receipts, or get calls from unidentified numbers and they hang up, they aren’t where they say they are going to be.
4) They almost entirely stop being intimate with you.
5) They are so distant and can be down right hurtful and mean to you.
Real or imagined cheating can be very painful. Do you come out and ask? Do you wait for them to confess, do you ask them about participating in counseling? Do you try harder to make it work? Below are some things you can do if you believe your partner is cheating: ( links from other bloggers and articles) I don’t think you would want my advice.. my advice would resemble that of Exhale scene where she burns his car… Just kidding.. hahaha but here are some helpful tips from more rational persons..
Find a good therapist, offer counseling to your partner.
Final thoughts from Simply Mommy:
Be sure about what you think is going on. Don’t come unhinged, unglued when you don’t know the facts, except it if it happens to be the truth and realize it is not your fault, of course we could all try harder, but it is left up to the other person to tell you what they need and expect out of you. You after all cannot read minds. But also remember if you have been kind, faithful, caring and loving toward your partner holding them with the utmost respect then you have essentially did all you could do and it is not okay to let someone use and abuse you. Toxic harmful people exist and we can’t always blame ourselves when things don’t work out. Love your self too.