Sometimes relationship lines are blurred let me explain. Remember my opinion is just that an opinion. When you have had a long relationship good or bad with any kind of ending a mutual agreement, or not, a good ending or not a good ending you have both learned to depend on each other in a way that you have probably not shared with anyone else. Things you do for each other that you just haven’t entrusted to anyone else. So when you enter into a new relationship and you are still in this other relationship no it’s not a romantic one but still it is a relationship that has intimacy. Any relationship that has intimacy with the opposite sex will steal intimacy from your romantic relationship.
Let’s go into a little story. Kelly was in a romantic relationship with the father of her son’s. It lasted 10 years, that in my book is a long relationship and in those 10 years they shared a lot of things with each other and had grown to trust each other and depend on each other as friends as well as lovers.
The problem with this is that in the process they had let their other friendships fall by the way side so they depended on each other more. So after the separation it was just easier to continue the friendship part and this would prove to be a very difficult arrangement for their future prospective partners.
He would mow her lawn, baby sit, they used each others cars if they needed to, loaned each other money if needed, made sure the other had lunch, so on and so on. This would be alright in the grand scheme of things if it didn’t stop them from truly moving on and in a sense it did.
They didn’t really need anyone else, they constantly talked on the phone, shared other aspects of each other’s lives , shared family, friends and children. This would in the future cause heart ache for anyone who tried to get romantically involved with them.
The truth is they had been in a 10 year relationship where the romantic side had ended somewhere around the fourth year, but they continued living as a couple for many years after that. So around the 6 year mark they started to try to date other people and in her heart all along she believed they still were in love and were just needing space, this proved disastrous for all involved.
They had so many un resolved feelings, on top of the fact that they were there for each other in a way no one could compete with. No they weren’t in a romantic, sexual relationship but the intimacy was still very clear to everyone. So 10 years down the road she met her husband Steve.
He would clarify this blurred line and put this to rest once and for all. In a loving, patient, non threatening manner of , because that is just the type of man Steve was a strong, confident loving, patient man.
She grew love and admire him so much. She her ex had always constantly consoled each other, shared the days on the phone, supported each other, and consulted each other. Where did this leave Steve in this triangle?
He eventually got to the point he didn’t know either so he came and spoke with her about it , it kind of made her ashamed but he told me in such a kind way he didn’t want to rob them of such a great friendship but it was taking away from their marriage. After all if she was depending on another man for her source of comfort and friendship then all she was giving Steve was sex and sharing the finances.
The thought blew her out of the water? What had she been thinking? It was a hard conversation not only with her, but he had the same conversation with her ex on the phone, they both now had to learn to have a different kind of relation ship after so many years like this, how would this work?
It’s like other habit to break, her heart broke at first and so did his, he was left virtually alone hadn’t been dating, now he had to start fresh and so did she in a sense but this was so awkward for all of them.
Now I am happy to report years down the road they don’t blur that line anymore, They still are there for each other but it is clear that is for the children at all times. It was a hard friendship to lose, but now they have a different kind of friendship that doesn’t take away from other relationships.
So the truth is you can’t love two people at once… no one in this is getting what they need. It is hurtful even if not intended to be that way. You can still care for one another , want the best for each other, but your best should be husband/partner/wife..
She says now: “I thank God every day for such a wise husband he could have been like everyone else and gave up on me. And then where would that have left my ex and I if I had never met Steve? Trapped in the past unable to share our love with each other or anyone else.. “