When you are hit with the unthinkable…..


hit with the unthinkableI have prided myself on living a pretty healthy life style. I am a vibrant 42 year old mother of four, wife, nurse, studying to be a doula. I have so many things going on in my life to look forward to. Imagine my shock that I would get an upper respiratory infection that could change the course of my life forever. I knew I was very sick, I woke up one day with a fever and a very nasty cough. I am a very homeopathic kind of woman so I began to nurse myself, (also nurses are notorious  for being the worse patients on earth) as the days dragged on I began to feel worse and worse.

Two weeks out and I hadn’t gotten much better finally able to get up and move around but was getting short of breath. Then it happen, I started having chest pain. I was rushed to the hospital, it turns out at present that it is a possibility a virus has attacked my heart and I could be in mild heart failure. My cardiologist is working on a plan, I am now on medication and I have to tell you I have never needed medication. My blood pressure is wonderful, pulse of a runner, no cholesterol problems, nothing that would have contributed to heart disease.

So now they had strapped me with bed rest. What I can’t do this I am getting ready to finish my doula training to be certified, I am in the PTA, I am a wife, I am a mother… I can’t take time off to be sick. So I continue as I woke up this morning, I am always very excited like a child on Christmas morning when I get up each day, I mean I am living my own dream and possibly a life that some would envy. Hell I envy it.

So the fear that struck me as I was cooking breakfast.. ok I know I was supposed to be on bed rest.. but I assure you I check my oxygen, pulse and all other vitals I am fine.. anyway the fear froze me.. my mind was flooded with these awful maybe’s, what if it doesn’t go away, what if it gets worse, what if I have a blockage they arent seeing, what if it is damaged beyond repair.. this is my heart.. this is my life. So after I calmed myself I continued to do what I always do, take care of my family, my self, and my responsibilities and goals. I didn’t stop studying, or blogging, or working, or anything I was doing, did I want to pull the covers over my head and cry and give into the pity I was feeling? Yes I certainly did. But I fought the urge.

The cardiologist has now cleared me and  I have a doula workshop coming up and 2 scheduled births where I will be doing my internship, then I am done. I will did allow this thing to rob me of my future. I am however concerned and I will do what the doctor recommends but I am telling myself each day, you are healthy, vibrant, happy, blessed and your good health will return. I have too much to look forward to to let this steal my joy and life. Of course I have a plan in place financial, physical, health, family, career but I am not ever putting those in place until the doctor walks in and says throw them in place. But that isn’t going to happen not now anyway. This is why living a healthy life style is in my favor as well as yours. If I hadn’t been living a healthy life style I would have already lost my life… So I encourage all of you to live healthy, fully, and don’t do what I did please go to the doctor if your not feeling well after 3 days…. that was my bad…

So when you are hit with the unthinkable, have a plan in place already, who is taking care of what while you are out of commission, living will, financial plan, health plan, family plan, career plan, all those things have to be dealt with before the unthinkable happens. Then make your husband, children ,friends and family feel at ease. Keep them informed, follow dr orders, talk with them , reassure them, care for yourself, keep working toward your goals, even if you are not feeling well do it in increments that wont tire you out, keep your social circle intact, don’t look sick, drag  yourself up and put on your face like you do, do your hair, take your meds, eat, rest, talk about it to someone outside your family, think positive, meditate, and keep living life as your normal as possible, keep medication bottles, medical supplies out of sight, out of mind, pray to your God, write in a journal, do what ever it is that makes this easier for you and your loved ones. Be safe, live simple, live free, and live in peace…