My life so it seems

As the alarm clock sounds she reaches  over and hits the snooze for the second time and pulls the cover tighter around her, she says silently in her mind” I don’t want to go to work… I want to smell coffee brewing, I want to be fully awake already and out of the shower. But here I still lay here dreading the day… Why? I never used to dread my days. I used to bounce out of bed ready to embrace what life had to offer or juggle what ever it threw at me. But that was then, when I felt younger, when the lines  of worry and age were not so deep and many on my face. Back then when he loved me like crazy.” She  glanced beside her where he lays there sleeping, he looks as though he doesn’t have a care in the world, she  wishes that was her, sleeping without a care in the world.

As she looks at him  while he sleeps her  mind drifts back in time to a place where he used to love her without condition. Now it seems there is a condition put on everything. She looked at his phone, she asked him who was on the phone, she asks what time he would be off work. Everything has changed as it usually does at this time in marriage. Around the time where you have to sit and wonder where you stand with the person you love.

She never understood that, why if you already hadn’t made up your mind if you want to be married why wait until your life is built with someone then play the guessing game.. Do I love this person? Do I want to spend the rest of my life with them. Don’t you think you should have ask the DO I’s before the I DO was sealed in a court of law?

But yet so many do this and the other one is sitting as the other proclaims how things have changed, no they didn’t you did, you changed your mind and you don’ have the courage to just say it…. she thinks” So this is my life so it seems playing the memory game, playing the guessing game. I do say to myself if you don’t make up your mind I will make up mine, I will make my mind up to not let this hurt me anymore.”